The college admissions process stresses virtually everyone who is part of it. The applicants worry about getting in – whether to their first choice or any at all. The parents fret about their kids’ future. The admissions officers lose sleep over getting their work done and building a class. You get the picture.
It’s almost surely not the first time your child has been stressed. Testing in high school, getting a date for the prom, making the team, securing a summer job – the teenage years don’t lack for situations that get the heart pumping.
But this will feel different. They’re being asked to take stock of virtually every aspect of their lives and then accept the judgment of strangers.
My son was on stage playing in his high school’s winter concert when he got the notification that his dream school had sent him its early decision ruling. That note was joined by texts from his close friends announcing that none of them had gotten into their first choices, which naturally made him fear the worst. There was another band member who applied early to his ideal institution. The two of them struck a pact not to check until they were home.
His high school is not even a mile from our house. But that was a long drive home. I had never seen him that stressed. We were lucky: He got in.
Those early application decisions could land any day now. So how can you reduce the many agonies of the college application process? Here are some ideas for parents and applicants.
Get the admissions edge with ‘Getting In’!
Have the parent playbook for applying to college delivered to your inbox each Thursday.
Sign up to receive the latest updates from U.S. News & World Report and our trusted partners and sponsors. By clicking submit, you are agreeing to our Terms and Conditions & Privacy Policy.
What Applicants Can Do
We found a very good school with rolling admissions that opened in late summer. We were pretty confident that our son would get in. And he did, which meant that he knew by late September that he was Going To College, even if it wasn’t his first choice.
That took a lot of stress out of the process.
As I was writing this column, I asked my son what was effective at reducing his stress when he was applying two years ago. His reply: “Do everything early.” That’s true: It means you’re not madly scrambling hours before a deadline. So get organized!
Make sure to have a diverse list of schools – from “reach” schools that might feel like a long shot to what used to be called “safeties,” where odds of getting in are better, with a Goldilocks-style middle. An all-reach list is a major gamble. An all-safety list may make your child feel like they are settling.
That should blunt the pain of an early decision rejection: There are plenty of other great schools on their list.
Your child should keep up with activities that have helped them manage stress in the past. Play video games? Exercise? Hang out with friends? Keep it up.
And they can lean on their parents for advice and support.
What Parents Can Do
You’re a helper/facilitator for everything in the section above: Help them get organized, help them put together a logical school list, make sure they have space for their destressors.
Most of all, make sure they know that you are there for them and that your bond won’t be affected by where they get in.
There’s one very sensitive conversation you may need to have about what your family can afford. It’s probably the most in-depth look your child will get into your finances, which may make it stressful for you.
Your job here is to be supremely realistic. You may need to talk about sacrifices – maybe going to that school means taking the bus home rather than the plane and cutting back on vacations and gifts. You may need to give them a specific dollar limit. The big thing to avoid is letting your child apply to a school that you know you cannot afford.
And don’t abandon your own destressors. You’ve spent 17-18 years teaching your kiddo all kinds of life skills and have made big decisions for them. It’s not going to be comfortable to watch them stress out or have their dream school reject them.
Hopefully, they’ll be getting in!
Olivier Knox is the son of college professors and worked in admissions as a student at his dream school. He has a 100% success rate guiding the next generation of applicants into their first-choice colleges (sample size: one son). Reach Olivier at oknox@usnews.com.
